Sunday, June 6, 2010

Senior Prom: Part 2

This post is part 2 of a 2 part post on prom. Go here for part 1.
90% of getting ready for prom is for the pictures. Once you actually get to the prom, it turns out that its a dark, sweaty room where everyone looks less good within 15 minutes of dancing.
I met my date, a close friend, at his house two hours before the prom start time. We live in a small town, on the same street, in a semi-urban setting. My house doesn't have a yard. His does, so we decided to do our first round of pictures there. My parents, my grandparents, and his mom were there. We did all of the standard prom poses with appropriate teenage awkwardness. We also took some great photos near an open trash can (which are still on his camera), which will probably turn out to be my favorite from the evening, due to their antiestablishment nature. You can save all of your jokes about ginger prom dates, we have heard them all. No, we did not go tanning before prom.
After an hour of picture taking at his house we headed to meet a large group of our friends at Fonthill, a whimsical poured-in-place concrete castle designed by local celebrity Henry Chapman Mercer. There, we had hors d'oeuvres, schmoozed, and complimented each other on how not ugly we all looked. Our parents, collectively, took 800 to 100,000 photos.
Me and Sir Date
Dominique's Boyfriend, Dominique, Me, Sir Mister Date Esq. PhD
A Mass Quantity of My Friends, Airborne
Erinn and her date drove me and my date to prom in her sleek 2000 Jetta. Prom was at a surprisingly nice country club. When we arrived, everyone was herded up a grand staircase to walk past security so that drunk kids could be weeded out and their lives could be subsequently ruined. Luckily, nobody at the prom got busted. This walk was a great opportunity to outfit snark. My date, though not a huge fan of fashion, is a huge fan of film and the Oscars, and he used this opportunity to do some red-carpet style fashion critique. Lots of girls wore looks straight out of Seventeen Prom. Tans were orange, makeup was overdone, dresses were skimpy, and boobs were overly prominent. The majority of people looked great though.
We were required to spend the first hour of prom eating. The menu included a salad, which I didn't touch, sourdough bread, and stuffed shells or lemon chicken. Nobody seemed excited to eat this food. Instead, there was a lot of polite, adult socializing, which was maybe the strangest part of the whole night. After, we were all let into the ballroom and we danced. The DJ wasn't very good, and played mostly oldies. Nothing made me feel closer to my peers than grinding to ABC by the Jackson 5. My date, who doesn't usually dance, danced with me the entire time, and even liked it. The room was a sauna of adolescent awkwardness, and we were very sweaty by the end of the evening. My hair eventually retreated to its natural fur-like texture and triangular shape. I didn't really care though, because I was having a great time.
Afterward, we headed to a party at Dominique's boyfriend's house, where we swam, talked, and stayed up until 5 am. In the morning, we had pancakes. As far as I know, most other social groups did similar things. I am not aware of anyone who died or got arrested. Maybe someone got pregnant, but we won't know for a few weeks. I'll let you know!
When I got home the next morning I was really excited to shower. Looking nice is fun, but after two days of makeup, sweating, and swimming I felt absolutely disgusting. I got home and showered. I pulled off my fake eyelashes, and some of my real eyelashes too. I put on sweatpants. It felt great to feel ugly.
In short, prom was awesome, but one prom per lifetime is probably enough for me. If you are younger than me and you are reading this, I definitely recommend that you go to your prom, but just keep it in perspective.
This post is part 2 of a 2 part post on prom. Go here for part 1.

Senior Prom: Part 1

This post is part 1 of a 2 part post on prom.
Friday night was my senior prom, which meant that Friday day was possibly the most labor intensive and expensive beauty process of my life thus far.
The day started off with school, but seniors and those attending prom were dismissed before lunch to get ready. This, though appreciated, seemed really weird to me. It was one of the first times in my life that looking good officially took a backseat to getting smart.
Thursday night I went to CVS and picked up some things to aid me on my journey to conventional hotness. My purchases included: toothbrushes, lotion, gum, false eyelashes, a loofah, Skintimates shaving lotion, and six blade disposable razors. I charged all of these things to my mother's credit card, and when I got home my mom was mad that I had spent $6.99 for only three razors. "Whatever," I told her. This was probably the first time that I was a brat in the name of silky smooth legs.
I shaved all Seventeen-endorsed parts (legs, pits, bikini-line) in a process that outlasted my hot water heater. I also exfoliated every square inch of my epidermis, lest my evening be overshadowed by the menace of dead skin cells. Then I lubed my body up with lotion and slithered my way out to my nail appointment.
I went with my friend Dominique to get our nails and toes done. By the time that we thought to make our appointments, all of the affordable places around town were booked, so we had to go somewhere on the upper end of the price spectrum. Thus, there were no other prom-goers in the salon when we were, just adult women, who were eager to swoon and squee over our impending prom. We both got french on our nails and Seventeen-suggested pastels on our toes (forgot to take a photo). We read magazines while we got our pedicures, and surprisingly I really enjoyed Lucky magazine, which just focused on fashion, and no bullshit tips on life or love. Lots of pictures of really great outfits, no man candy/diet tips/embarrassing stories. I managed to sit under the dryer for 10 minutes, which of course is never long enough. I walked around with my hands like dino-claws for approximately a half hour after I left the salon in fear of nicking my manicure.
After my nails I headed to meet my other friend Erinn to get my hair and makeup done. I've been going to my salon for about five years, and its one of those social center type salons that usually only exist in movies. As I sat and got my hair done, I knew every single person who came in the salon (ten people?), and I am by no means popular.
I wanted my hair done in some sort of sexy celebrity curls. I pulled a picture from the Seventeen website from an article entitled, "How to Get Bed Head Hair." My bed head hair, obviously, does not look like this. Nonetheless, my stylist did a pretty good job at coming up with something similar for my texture that dealt with the humidity we are experiencing here and my awkward length bangs.

Afterward, I had my makeup done. At this point, I was really tired of sitting, and had no idea what I wanted for my makeup. My general instructions for the day were, "Please make me look conventionally attractive." My only explicit request was false eyelashes. Looking hot apparently required several different layers of various powders and potions. I felt like I had too much makeup on, but everyone in the salon, including my father, assured me that I looked great and not at all tacky, so I just went along with it.
In the salon, I ate a massive chicken salad with guacamole and oranges. A few people made comments about how surprised they were that I was eating on the day of my prom. As far as I was aware, my body still required calories for energy on this day, so I was still going to eat.

At the end of the week, my beauty treatments broke down as such:

Waxing: 20 minutes
Hair Removal/Shower: 1 hour
Manicure/Pedicure: 1.5 hours
Hair: 2 hours
Makeup: 45 minutes
TOTAL: 4.45 hours (I didn't go tanning, I know a lot of people went a few times a week for the entire month before prom)

Dress: $130
Shoes: $42
Jewelry: $42
Waxing: $20
Hair Styling: $70
Makeup Application: $50
False Eyelash Application: $10
Manicure: $15
Pedicure: $40
Assorted CVS Products: $42.50
TOTAL: $461.50

My awesome date paid for my $65 prom ticket, as well as his own. (I offered, I swear, as did most girls that I know.) My awesome mom paid for ALL of the above expenses. The entire cost of this years prom's beauty treatments still managed to cost less than my $500 junior prom dress. I am all about transparency here. This is an entirely ridiculous expenditure, and I am incredibly fortunate to have parents who can afford it.
This entire time-consuming and expensive day led to a lot of discussions in the salon about celebrity. Every single young woman in the salon who I talked to said it would suck to have to go through this beautification process on a weekly, or even daily basis. Makes me feel good, though, that when I see celebrities in US Weekly looking far better than I do, that now I know it is the result of a labor-intensive, time-consuming, and expensive process. Very few people, if any, look like this naturally. Being physically beautiful is truly a job.

Click here for part 2 of this 2 part post on prom.