NOT

Next week is finals week, so today I was back in school for my last "real" week of high school-- ever. I decided to try this outfit inspired by Audrey, a member of the Seventeen style council. I actually like the outfit on her, sort of, but I felt really out of character wearing it myself. My dad, who rarely makes any sort of contrary comment about anything I wear, seemed really confused about why I was wearing a shirt under a dress. So did a number of people at school. I know its just a basic layered outfit, but maybe this look is a little fashion forward for my small town. Then again, maybe I just couldn't pull it off. Either way, I don't think it's something I'll be wearing again. Felt a little early Madonna to me. Little bit too bubblegum pop.

Also wore this ribbon updo. This was really well received by all of my friends. I thought to myself, "Maybe I'm finally getting the hang of this 'normal teen' thing!"

Unfortunately, when I visited Seventeen.com to pull the above picture for this post, I realized how inaccurate my feelings were. Of all the beauty tips that I have tried, the one that had won me the most compliments in my personal life was a hairstyle voted as NOT by 82,000 people in the Seventeen world. I can't win.

Tonight I finished my last paper that I will ever have to write for high school, so I should have some time to put together some more in depth posts/projects etc. I've got a couple of interesting things in the works for the remainder of the project, as well as for afterward. Pretty excited...

9 days until grad!

Senior Prom: Part 1

This post is part 1 of a 2 part post on prom.

Friday night was my senior prom, which meant that Friday day was possibly the most labor intensive and expensive beauty process of my life thus far.

The day started off with school, but seniors and those attending prom were dismissed before lunch to get ready. This, though appreciated, seemed really weird to me. It was one of the first times in my life that looking good officially took a backseat to getting smart.

Thursday night I went to CVS and picked up some things to aid me on my journey to conventional hotness. My purchases included: toothbrushes, lotion, gum, false eyelashes, a loofah, Skintimates shaving lotion, and six blade disposable razors. I charged all of these things to my mother's credit card, and when I got home my mom was mad that I had spent $6.99 for only three razors. "Whatever," I told her. This was probably the first time that I was a brat in the name of silky smooth legs.

I shaved all Seventeen-endorsed parts (legs, pits, bikini-line) in a process that outlasted my hot water heater. I also exfoliated every square inch of my epidermis, lest my evening be overshadowed by the menace of dead skin cells. Then I lubed my body up with lotion and slithered my way out to my nail appointment.

I went with my friend Dominique to get our nails and toes done. By the time that we thought to make our appointments, all of the affordable places around town were booked, so we had to go somewhere on the upper end of the price spectrum. Thus, there were no other prom-goers in the salon when we were, just adult women, who were eager to swoon and squee over our impending prom. We both got french on our nails and Seventeen-suggested pastels on our toes (forgot to take a photo). We read magazines while we got our pedicures, and surprisingly I really enjoyed Lucky magazine, which just focused on fashion, and no bullshit tips on life or love. Lots of pictures of really great outfits, no man candy/diet tips/embarrassing stories. I managed to sit under the dryer for 10 minutes, which of course is never long enough. I walked around with my hands like dino-claws for approximately a half hour after I left the salon in fear of nicking my manicure.

After my nails I headed to meet my other friend Erinn to get my hair and makeup done. I've been going to my salon for about five years, and its one of those social center type salons that usually only exist in movies. As I sat and got my hair done, I knew every single person who came in the salon (ten people?), and I am by no means popular.

I wanted my hair done in some sort of sexy celebrity curls. I pulled a picture from the Seventeen website from an article entitled, "How to Get Bed Head Hair." My bed head hair, obviously, does not look like this. Nonetheless, my stylist did a pretty good job at coming up with something similar for my texture that dealt with the humidity we are experiencing here and my awkward length bangs.

Afterward, I had my makeup done. At this point, I was really tired of sitting, and had no idea what I wanted for my makeup. My general instructions for the day were, "Please make me look conventionally attractive." My only explicit request was false eyelashes. Looking hot apparently required several different layers of various powders and potions. I felt like I had too much makeup on, but everyone in the salon, including my father, assured me that I looked great and not at all tacky, so I just went along with it.

In the salon, I ate a massive chicken salad with guacamole and oranges. A few people made comments about how surprised they were that I was eating on the day of my prom. As far as I was aware, my body still required calories for energy on this day, so I was still going to eat.

At the end of the week, my beauty treatments broke down as such:

Time

Waxing: 20 minutes

Hair Removal/Shower: 1 hour

Manicure/Pedicure: 1.5 hours

Hair: 2 hours

Makeup: 45 minutes

TOTAL: 4.45 hours (I didn't go tanning, I know a lot of people went a few times a week for the entire month before prom)

Money

Dress: $130

Shoes: $42

Jewelry: $42

Waxing: $20

Hair Styling: $70

Makeup Application: $50

False Eyelash Application: $10

Manicure: $15

Pedicure: $40

Assorted CVS Products: $42.50

TOTAL: $461.50

My awesome date paid for my $65 prom ticket, as well as his own. (I offered, I swear, as did most girls that I know.) My awesome mom paid for ALL of the above expenses. The entire cost of this years prom's beauty treatments still managed to cost less than my $500 junior prom dress. I am all about transparency here. This is an entirely ridiculous expenditure, and I am incredibly fortunate to have parents who can afford it.

This entire time-consuming and expensive day led to a lot of discussions in the salon about celebrity. Every single young woman in the salon who I talked to said it would suck to have to go through this beautification process on a weekly, or even daily basis. Makes me feel good, though, that when I see celebrities in US Weekly looking far better than I do, that now I know it is the result of a labor-intensive, time-consuming, and expensive process. Very few people, if any, look like this naturally. Being physically beautiful is truly a job.

Click here for part 2 of this 2 part post on prom.

Seventeen Prom Gets It Right (Mostly)

I went to no less than 20 bookstores to track down a copy of Seventeen Prom, which was published months ago-- months before I even thought to start planning for The Most Important Night of My Teenage Life. Every store I went to said they hadn't had the issue in stock for months. I finally got a copy of it from a friend of a friend who heard through a friend that I was looking for the magazine. Talk about luck!

My prom is this Friday, and I am one of few people at my school who appears to be relaxed, or even excited, about the event. Conversations seem to skew more toward, "Lauren is crying because we invited Mike and Sarah to be in the limo with us," than "I'm looking forward to dancing and having a good time with my friends." Also popular topics of discussion among my peers: worrying about table seating, worrying about plans for acquiring post-prom booze, and worrying about the humidity on prom night. (Okay, that last one might just be me.)

Nonetheless, I am actually excited for the evening. Today I conferenced with my date about corsage/pictures/transportation. My hair/nails/makeup appointments are booked. Everything seems to be in line for a good weekend. I practically feel like a normal teen. I'm a sucker for rites of passage, though.

And so are a lot of other people, presumably, judging from the nearly 400-page length of the 2010 issue of Seventeen Prom. Surprisingly, the magazine actually gets a lot right, much more than their non-prom counterpart Seventeen, in my opinion. Seventeen Prom has lots of reasonable advice on how to do prom in a way that's low-cost, high-glam, and surprisingly unconventional. Here are a few things that stood out to me:

The Good

This hair is so cute! Definitely not the typical half-up half-down curling-ironed look that 90% of everyone I know will probably sport. Just cute natural hair, times THREE.

These nails are really cute-- fun and subtle! (two words I don't often put together to describe Seventeen)This picture! A well-dressed couple goofing off and having a good time. Sort of personifies my opinion of what prom should be.

Conceding that there were some good things in this magazine, though, does not mean that it is without flaws. A few things were downright bad, but most were just weird.

The Bad

Lots of dresses in the issue were really ugly or really bizarre. Seventeen calls this trend "High-Low" but I think "Mullet Dress" would be a more fitting name.

Maybe I'm conservative, but a silver lamé bikini does not a dress make. I can't imagine dancing in that. Same goes for the super tight, super short, super gaudy red minidress, which is so short that the model needs to hold the hemline down just for the photo shoot.

This dress itself isn't that bad in my opinion, but I am curious to hear the thinking behind putting a cutout in a place that most people work diligently to camouflage. The model looks good in it, but I don't really know anyone who is looking for a dress with a love handle window.

I don't see anything wrong with the dress in this one, I just wonder, WHERE IS THIS GIRL? There's a stage, there's a disco ball, and there's an..... exercise ball? This appears to be shot on the set of a bad 80's exercise video.

Speaking of bad 80's things.... this hair looks a little Dynasty to me.

There were, of course, lots of bits in the magazine about dates and dating. This blurb itself actually addresses something that a lot of people in my school have been discussing. The example of a romantic prom proposal, though, seems likes its really setting the bar low. (That is, unless Craig and Emily are huge stoners, which in that case, the McDonald's breakfast might just be the holy grail of romance.)

Prom Sex is one of the hugest teen movie clichés of all time. Googling the phrase brings up some really entertaining advice forums. Lots of things in the magazine allude to doin' it, some not so subtly....

....and some REALLY not so subtly.

If you think teenage boys struggle with bras, you'll get a huge kick out of watching him struggle with this number before your Prom Sex:

Overall, the magazine was pretty good. It delivers what it promises.... advice on hair and makeup, and pictures of dresses. I think that niche magazines such as this one do a better job of actually giving people what they want in terms of content. In attempting to provide one been-all end-all magazine for lifestyle, fashion, and beauty, normal Seventeen ends up tackling each area poorly.

Your hair is (probably) ugly

This is what my hair looks like naturally:
My hair is not silky. It is not smooth. It is not sleek. You cannot run your fingers through my hair without considerable effort. When I ride in a convertible with the top down, my hair hardly moves, if it moves at all. My hair lacks both luster and shine.

My hair grows wide before it grows long. On rainy days, I sport a halo of frizz. On sunny days, I also sport a halo of frizz. If I wear a hat, there is always the possibility that I will end up with some variation of a Hey Arnold hairdo. It is probable that my hair has more in common texture wise with a golden retriever's coat than it does with any model in a mainstream magazine.

I spent a lot of years struggling to learn to accept my hair. There were definitely days in elementary school when I would come home from school and cry about my hair. Its poofy. Its frizzy. It doesn't cascade or fall down my back and shoulders; it merely rests. When I was younger I went to a Jewish sleep-away camp. The girls in my cabin ritualized hairstyling. There I learned techniques on coaxing my "jew-fro" into a more secular style. When I was 13 I (embarrassingly) spent $700 to have my hair processed with a Japanese hair straightening technique. It didn't work. I still had unruly curly hair, now I just had $700 unruly curly hair.

Hair is something that societies in general ritualize, and not just the image-obsessed Western world. Some groups ritualize it formally, as with the Hindu ceremony of Chudakarana, and some less formally, exemplified by Black hair culture in the modern U.S. It is evident that, as humans, hair represents a lot more to us than just dead cells. Hair represents beauty. It represents power. Hair, or lack thereof, serves to make a statement on who we are, who we want to be, and how others to perceive us.

Whether or not this is fair doesn't necessarily matter. It is a fact with which we must contend to some degree. If we choose not to internalize the importance placed on hair, we must live knowing that others have, and it will affect how we are viewed in their eyes.

What makes this fact worse, at least for me personally, is that media has constructed a dichotomy in which one type of hair is marked as "good," and all other types are designated as lesser. Think about what you wish your hair looked like. Chances are, you probably thought of hair that is shiny, silky, and has a reasonable amount of body. The number of people I actually know with this hair texture I can count on two hands, yet this is the texture that our society has designated as the norm. This is the hair to have, and those of us who do not have this hair type are encouraged to make efforts to get as close as we can to this imaginary standard of average.

This article in Seventeen is a great example of this. The article is a special section for "Thick Waves, Frizzy Curles, or Poufy Hair." There are a lot of things in it that designate this texture of hair as wrong and "the other."

A) Implicit in the title of the article is a belief that thicker hair textures are "misbehaved."

B) Designating this article as "a special section" makes it clear that people with coarser hair are an inferior group. The rest of the magazine addresses normal hair, but frizzy hair girls are relegated to this separate section.

C) The phrase "fall in love with your texture again" implies that there was ever reason to fall out of love with thick hair. It also assumes that most readers have fallen out of love with it.

D) Must-have products include products that give hair smoothness and shine. These are not properties inherent to curly hair. These products are intended to move curly haired girls closer to "average" hair texture, and away from naturally curly styles.

E) Not a single style on this page embraces the natural hair texture of any of these people. All of these styles require blow drying/curling iron/flat iron (except maybe the braid). The bottom of the page is a literal manual on how to make your hair NOT look like its curly. AND every single person on this page is White, thus completely ignoring the fact that non-White readers exist/have hair concerns they may want addressed.

As an experiment I wanted to see what would happen if I tried to do a hairstyle from the normal non-"horrible-and-frizzy-and-totally-unsexy" section. This took me about two hours.

Frankly, I think this hairstyle looks like a community theater left the stage door open and the understudy from Annie escaped. I'm going to sleep on it. I will see how it fares tomorrow.

For some good examples of the "normal" phenomenon in beauty, check out this post on Sociological Images.

Who can wear pigtails?

In targeting the 12 to 19 demographic, Seventeen treads in uncertain territory. There will always be some degree of mismatched advice when an attempt is made to direct a unified message at an age range that straddles a few different developmental stages. Consider the fact that a 12-year-old is only just entering middle school, while a 19-year-old has already finished high school. The likelihood of producing a publication with advice (and advertising content) that is relevant to both of these groups is highly unlikely, and this fault occasionally manifests itself in the magazine's articles.

For instance, in choosing today's hairstyle I decided to go for the Playful Pigtails look. At this point in time, it is a well-established and well-enforced idea in our culture that pigtails on grown women are, at least to some degree, infantilizing. On children, pigtails carry little (if any) connotations. On adults, however, they are likely to be read as submissive, girlish, or at the very least, playful. I'm not here to make a judgement on whether grown women should or should not wear pigtails. I am simply reiterating the fact that if an adult woman chooses to do so, she is likely to be met with references to catholic school girls, Punky Brewster, and Lolita. It's just the way our society has come to perceive things.

If you require some convincing, take a look at these stills from the Prada Spring 2010 runway show. Hairstylist Guido Palau says of his inspiration for the show, "I was thinking of Lolita. The combination of pigtails with blow-up-doll mouth results in a dark Lolita-like look-- it isn't innocent. The hair is soft and girly, the mouth is glossy and sexual." Pigtails on grown women are a look that carry a distinct set of assumptions, regardless of whether or not these assumptions are fair.

Which brings me to my qualm with the inclusion of pigtails in this month's issue of Seventeen. Where do we draw the line between fun and sexual? At what age do pigtails change from just a hairstyle into a statement? The answer: somewhere between 12 and 19-- somewhere within Seventeen's target demographic. Pigtails have a distinctly different effect when worn by a 12-year-old than when worn by someone who is almost 20.

In the magazine's introduction of the hairstyle, they describe the look as, "not your little

sister's pigtails." Judging from this, I am assuming that the hairstyle is intended to lean more toward sexy-girlish than actual-girlish, unless your little sister happens to have been featured on Toddlers and Tiaras. If this is the intention, I am conflicted for two reasons. First, is it moral (or fair?) to encourage teenage girls who may not understand the implications of pigtails to wear them? That is, how comfortable are we letting young teens walk around unknowingly looking like fetish models? I know this outlook is a bit alarmist, but am I correct in thinking that it is at the least somewhat wrong to pin an image on young girls that they may not be able to understand the implications of yet?

Secondly, I take issue with the notion that encouraging pigtails on teens reinforce an association between things that are "girlish" and things that are "sexy." Something seems askew to me when we are living in a world childhood and sex-appeal can exist comfortably on the same plane.

Still, its difficult to determine where we draw the line. I came up with this handy infographic to illustrate the ages at which pigtails enter a gray area. At what age do you think pigtails cross the line from fun to sexual? Does this line even exist?

ETA: Jezebel linked to my article and now something happened to the picture from all the views. You can view a lower quality version of the chart here if the embedded one below isn't working.

Frivolous

Today was my first real fashion day. This is all good and well, except for the fact that it was Sunday, I had nowhere to go. Seventeen Hair Calendar Girl had Sunday blocked out for a backyard BBQ, but all that I had scheduled for today was writing a paper for school, an activity that I usually do in clothes with elastic waistbands.

Anyhow, I ended up going to DSW this morning so I'd have an excuse to get dressed. The real me has been avoiding the ordeal that is shopping for prom shoes, but the Seventeen Me loves shopping and especially loves prom (!!!!).

Today I tackled the "Glam Camp" look from the magazine.

This outfit seemed like a good point of entry since, save for the heels and socks, it isn't that fashion-ey. Socks and heels are not commonly paired here in suburban Pennsylvania, but I thought DSW might be a good place to give it a chance since it seemed probable that the people there might understand fashion (at least from the knees down).

I also tried the "Shine Down" summery makeup look with the "Mermaid Braid" from the "Special Guide for Girls with Thick Waves, Frizzy Curls, or Poufy Hair." I will address this guide in more depth at a later day, because I've got an entire post worth of thoughts on it. For now, here are my efforts...

The general thinking behind magazine makeup seems to be "pack shit all over your face so it looks like you don't have pores." This seems bizarre to me, but I won't claim to "get" fashion. I can appreciate good design, but the notion of adorning yourself makes me feel a little like a commodity.

My mom seems to like this project because it means I am dressing less like an independent bookstore employee/NPR listener and more like a Normal Teen. People in public seem to be pretty receptive to the look too. I definitely felt attractive, but I also felt stupid, because I am not sure what sort of rational person goes to a giant shoe warehouse in heels. Seems frivolous.

I bought three pairs of shoes at DSW..... something about being frivolous also makes you fiscally irresponsible I guess.

Moderation and Limitations

So today was Day 1 of normal teen-ing it. I was supposed to work today, so I got dressed with the intention of punching the clock. I have to wear a white oxford and a bowtie to work, so fashion options were limited. The magazine provided no tips on how to "spice up a tux", and searching "bowtie" on Seventeen.com yielded nothing but a few worst dressed lists.

I had difficulty determining whether or not Seventeen even expects me to work at all. This month's issue does include an article on turning your passion into cash, however, the potential jobs they profiled were more typical of romantic comedy protagonists than actual teens. (Think: baker, artist, animal shelter volunteer) Certainly no bussing tables or McDonald's drive thru. I guess it is positive that they are encouraging girls and young women to pursue entrepreneurship, but I couldn't help but think that the premise of the article sort of marginalized women into Women's Jobs, not just Jobs.

I decided hair and makeup would be the best way to add a Seventeen touch to my uniform. The 7 Days of Beauty weekly hair calendar didn't offer a hairstyle for any day that included working a job. They did, however, offer a hairstyle for a "Mall Run." Presumably the Seventeen reader has money, and from the magazine's lack of an offered hairdo for working, we can assume that she does not earn it herself.

Anyway, I decided to go with the "Internship" hairdo since it was the style that veered closest to Practical Work Hairdo. Apparently, a low knotted pony tells people that I'm "sophisticated and creative." Pity me for thinking that just being sophisticated and creative was indicator enough; now my hair must allude to this fact as well. I also tried to replicate the makeup, and the model's pearl earrings. I will count the earrings as my "fashion" tip for the day, since working severely limited applicable tips.

I also had my nails done today. A tip from Lydia, age 19, in Arlington, Virginia suggested that I paint my nails lavender, a color which she describes as, "a grown-up pink [that reminds her] of all things sophisticated and girly." Something that is beyond me is the notion of conflating sophistication with girlhood. Something that is further beyond me is the association of colors with age and gender. Despite this fact, I now have lavender nails (and I quite like them.)

To top off the entire outfit, I used a vanilla body mist, which Lindsey from Franklin, Tennessee described as "perfect for every day" because "they're not as expensive as perfume, but you can still get the same great scent, so you can use more of it!" (Italics Seventeen's, not mine.) From what I am gathering, the idea of moderation is not a pervasive principle in the teenage beauty/hygiene repertoire.

I am not working tomorrow, so tomorrow will be my first real fashion day.