Senior Prom: Part 1

This post is part 1 of a 2 part post on prom.

Friday night was my senior prom, which meant that Friday day was possibly the most labor intensive and expensive beauty process of my life thus far.

The day started off with school, but seniors and those attending prom were dismissed before lunch to get ready. This, though appreciated, seemed really weird to me. It was one of the first times in my life that looking good officially took a backseat to getting smart.

Thursday night I went to CVS and picked up some things to aid me on my journey to conventional hotness. My purchases included: toothbrushes, lotion, gum, false eyelashes, a loofah, Skintimates shaving lotion, and six blade disposable razors. I charged all of these things to my mother's credit card, and when I got home my mom was mad that I had spent $6.99 for only three razors. "Whatever," I told her. This was probably the first time that I was a brat in the name of silky smooth legs.

I shaved all Seventeen-endorsed parts (legs, pits, bikini-line) in a process that outlasted my hot water heater. I also exfoliated every square inch of my epidermis, lest my evening be overshadowed by the menace of dead skin cells. Then I lubed my body up with lotion and slithered my way out to my nail appointment.

I went with my friend Dominique to get our nails and toes done. By the time that we thought to make our appointments, all of the affordable places around town were booked, so we had to go somewhere on the upper end of the price spectrum. Thus, there were no other prom-goers in the salon when we were, just adult women, who were eager to swoon and squee over our impending prom. We both got french on our nails and Seventeen-suggested pastels on our toes (forgot to take a photo). We read magazines while we got our pedicures, and surprisingly I really enjoyed Lucky magazine, which just focused on fashion, and no bullshit tips on life or love. Lots of pictures of really great outfits, no man candy/diet tips/embarrassing stories. I managed to sit under the dryer for 10 minutes, which of course is never long enough. I walked around with my hands like dino-claws for approximately a half hour after I left the salon in fear of nicking my manicure.

After my nails I headed to meet my other friend Erinn to get my hair and makeup done. I've been going to my salon for about five years, and its one of those social center type salons that usually only exist in movies. As I sat and got my hair done, I knew every single person who came in the salon (ten people?), and I am by no means popular.

I wanted my hair done in some sort of sexy celebrity curls. I pulled a picture from the Seventeen website from an article entitled, "How to Get Bed Head Hair." My bed head hair, obviously, does not look like this. Nonetheless, my stylist did a pretty good job at coming up with something similar for my texture that dealt with the humidity we are experiencing here and my awkward length bangs.

Afterward, I had my makeup done. At this point, I was really tired of sitting, and had no idea what I wanted for my makeup. My general instructions for the day were, "Please make me look conventionally attractive." My only explicit request was false eyelashes. Looking hot apparently required several different layers of various powders and potions. I felt like I had too much makeup on, but everyone in the salon, including my father, assured me that I looked great and not at all tacky, so I just went along with it.

In the salon, I ate a massive chicken salad with guacamole and oranges. A few people made comments about how surprised they were that I was eating on the day of my prom. As far as I was aware, my body still required calories for energy on this day, so I was still going to eat.

At the end of the week, my beauty treatments broke down as such:

Time

Waxing: 20 minutes

Hair Removal/Shower: 1 hour

Manicure/Pedicure: 1.5 hours

Hair: 2 hours

Makeup: 45 minutes

TOTAL: 4.45 hours (I didn't go tanning, I know a lot of people went a few times a week for the entire month before prom)

Money

Dress: $130

Shoes: $42

Jewelry: $42

Waxing: $20

Hair Styling: $70

Makeup Application: $50

False Eyelash Application: $10

Manicure: $15

Pedicure: $40

Assorted CVS Products: $42.50

TOTAL: $461.50

My awesome date paid for my $65 prom ticket, as well as his own. (I offered, I swear, as did most girls that I know.) My awesome mom paid for ALL of the above expenses. The entire cost of this years prom's beauty treatments still managed to cost less than my $500 junior prom dress. I am all about transparency here. This is an entirely ridiculous expenditure, and I am incredibly fortunate to have parents who can afford it.

This entire time-consuming and expensive day led to a lot of discussions in the salon about celebrity. Every single young woman in the salon who I talked to said it would suck to have to go through this beautification process on a weekly, or even daily basis. Makes me feel good, though, that when I see celebrities in US Weekly looking far better than I do, that now I know it is the result of a labor-intensive, time-consuming, and expensive process. Very few people, if any, look like this naturally. Being physically beautiful is truly a job.

Click here for part 2 of this 2 part post on prom.

Seventeen Prom Gets It Right (Mostly)

I went to no less than 20 bookstores to track down a copy of Seventeen Prom, which was published months ago-- months before I even thought to start planning for The Most Important Night of My Teenage Life. Every store I went to said they hadn't had the issue in stock for months. I finally got a copy of it from a friend of a friend who heard through a friend that I was looking for the magazine. Talk about luck!

My prom is this Friday, and I am one of few people at my school who appears to be relaxed, or even excited, about the event. Conversations seem to skew more toward, "Lauren is crying because we invited Mike and Sarah to be in the limo with us," than "I'm looking forward to dancing and having a good time with my friends." Also popular topics of discussion among my peers: worrying about table seating, worrying about plans for acquiring post-prom booze, and worrying about the humidity on prom night. (Okay, that last one might just be me.)

Nonetheless, I am actually excited for the evening. Today I conferenced with my date about corsage/pictures/transportation. My hair/nails/makeup appointments are booked. Everything seems to be in line for a good weekend. I practically feel like a normal teen. I'm a sucker for rites of passage, though.

And so are a lot of other people, presumably, judging from the nearly 400-page length of the 2010 issue of Seventeen Prom. Surprisingly, the magazine actually gets a lot right, much more than their non-prom counterpart Seventeen, in my opinion. Seventeen Prom has lots of reasonable advice on how to do prom in a way that's low-cost, high-glam, and surprisingly unconventional. Here are a few things that stood out to me:

The Good

This hair is so cute! Definitely not the typical half-up half-down curling-ironed look that 90% of everyone I know will probably sport. Just cute natural hair, times THREE.

These nails are really cute-- fun and subtle! (two words I don't often put together to describe Seventeen)This picture! A well-dressed couple goofing off and having a good time. Sort of personifies my opinion of what prom should be.

Conceding that there were some good things in this magazine, though, does not mean that it is without flaws. A few things were downright bad, but most were just weird.

The Bad

Lots of dresses in the issue were really ugly or really bizarre. Seventeen calls this trend "High-Low" but I think "Mullet Dress" would be a more fitting name.

Maybe I'm conservative, but a silver lamé bikini does not a dress make. I can't imagine dancing in that. Same goes for the super tight, super short, super gaudy red minidress, which is so short that the model needs to hold the hemline down just for the photo shoot.

This dress itself isn't that bad in my opinion, but I am curious to hear the thinking behind putting a cutout in a place that most people work diligently to camouflage. The model looks good in it, but I don't really know anyone who is looking for a dress with a love handle window.

I don't see anything wrong with the dress in this one, I just wonder, WHERE IS THIS GIRL? There's a stage, there's a disco ball, and there's an..... exercise ball? This appears to be shot on the set of a bad 80's exercise video.

Speaking of bad 80's things.... this hair looks a little Dynasty to me.

There were, of course, lots of bits in the magazine about dates and dating. This blurb itself actually addresses something that a lot of people in my school have been discussing. The example of a romantic prom proposal, though, seems likes its really setting the bar low. (That is, unless Craig and Emily are huge stoners, which in that case, the McDonald's breakfast might just be the holy grail of romance.)

Prom Sex is one of the hugest teen movie clichés of all time. Googling the phrase brings up some really entertaining advice forums. Lots of things in the magazine allude to doin' it, some not so subtly....

....and some REALLY not so subtly.

If you think teenage boys struggle with bras, you'll get a huge kick out of watching him struggle with this number before your Prom Sex:

Overall, the magazine was pretty good. It delivers what it promises.... advice on hair and makeup, and pictures of dresses. I think that niche magazines such as this one do a better job of actually giving people what they want in terms of content. In attempting to provide one been-all end-all magazine for lifestyle, fashion, and beauty, normal Seventeen ends up tackling each area poorly.

The "Tribal Trend" Trend

I'm at the beach. Well, I am in close proximity to the beach, but today was too cloudy to actually work on my tan and look confident in my bikini, so I decided to spend the day doing what every Seventeen reader, except me, does best-- shopping. The Atlantic City Outlets are about 5 miles from my grandpa's house, or a half hour bike ride. I ride to school in dresses pretty frequently, but that's less than a mile. I assume that Seventeen doesn't expect its readers to sacrifice their hobbies in the name of fashion (are Seventeen readers even expected to have hobbies?), so I didn't, and I rode the 5 miles in this outfit, which was actually not a big deal at all. I have yet to find an outfit that I can't ride in, heels not excluded.

I've been consciously avoiding trying this trend though, which Seventeen calls "Bright Prints," because to me it seems like a thinly veiled variation on the "tribal" trend. Actually, its not even veiled at all. The blurb describing the look explains, "These tribal patterns have an 'I picked this up on vacation' feel, so you can look like you traveled the world--without leaving your backyard!"

Besides the obvious absurdity of trying to use clothes as a substitute for actual travel experiences, I'm not okay with this editorial because I'm uncomfortable getting behind a trend that seems to lump all non-Western cultures together under the homogenous, inaccurate, and offensive moniker of "tribal." It takes fashion's habit of cultural appropriation one step further by saying, "Not only are we going to mark elements of your culture as passing trends, but we are going to marginalize them by packaging them together with elements from other unrelated cultures as well." Simply put, the whole thing sends a message that says, "Look how adooorable (and marketable) other cultures are!" It reeks of colonialism to me. I'm not opposed to designers taking fashion inspiration from artifacts of other cultures, but I'm opposed to this practice being insensitively marketed as tribal. It creates a distinct "us" and "them" dichotomy.

The "tribal trend" is a trend within itself. Every so often this sort of thing pops up in a magazine or in a designer's line, and the online community is quick to draw attention to it. Dodai at Jezebel touched on this issue a few years ago in her piece about American Apparel's "Afrika" print. Over at Sociological Images they have collected a huge number of examples of appropriation of Native American icons in style.

When it came down to it, though, I wore the outfit on my shopping trip, and nobody seemed to notice or care about which cultures I did or did not appropriate. In fact, plenty of stores stocked things that fit perfectly within this trend, which is at least an indicator that Seventeen is successful at highlighting current trends. I would be concerned if they weren't, though, since this is basically the only direct redeeming quality about the publication that I have been able to ascertain up until this point.

Some tanks in line with the "Bright Prints" trend at Old Navy:

To go with my "Bright Prints" look, I also got my nails done to follow the "Bright Colors" trend that Danielle, age 15, from Minneapolis speaks so highly of. She writes, "Whenever I'm feeling down, I can just look at my nails and feel peppy!" This is bleak. I wish Seventeen would suggest a hobby for Danielle so she didn't have to look to idle nail-gazing as her only source of joy.

Hopefully tomorrow will be warmer so that I can go to the beach!

Moderation and Limitations

So today was Day 1 of normal teen-ing it. I was supposed to work today, so I got dressed with the intention of punching the clock. I have to wear a white oxford and a bowtie to work, so fashion options were limited. The magazine provided no tips on how to "spice up a tux", and searching "bowtie" on Seventeen.com yielded nothing but a few worst dressed lists.

I had difficulty determining whether or not Seventeen even expects me to work at all. This month's issue does include an article on turning your passion into cash, however, the potential jobs they profiled were more typical of romantic comedy protagonists than actual teens. (Think: baker, artist, animal shelter volunteer) Certainly no bussing tables or McDonald's drive thru. I guess it is positive that they are encouraging girls and young women to pursue entrepreneurship, but I couldn't help but think that the premise of the article sort of marginalized women into Women's Jobs, not just Jobs.

I decided hair and makeup would be the best way to add a Seventeen touch to my uniform. The 7 Days of Beauty weekly hair calendar didn't offer a hairstyle for any day that included working a job. They did, however, offer a hairstyle for a "Mall Run." Presumably the Seventeen reader has money, and from the magazine's lack of an offered hairdo for working, we can assume that she does not earn it herself.

Anyway, I decided to go with the "Internship" hairdo since it was the style that veered closest to Practical Work Hairdo. Apparently, a low knotted pony tells people that I'm "sophisticated and creative." Pity me for thinking that just being sophisticated and creative was indicator enough; now my hair must allude to this fact as well. I also tried to replicate the makeup, and the model's pearl earrings. I will count the earrings as my "fashion" tip for the day, since working severely limited applicable tips.

I also had my nails done today. A tip from Lydia, age 19, in Arlington, Virginia suggested that I paint my nails lavender, a color which she describes as, "a grown-up pink [that reminds her] of all things sophisticated and girly." Something that is beyond me is the notion of conflating sophistication with girlhood. Something that is further beyond me is the association of colors with age and gender. Despite this fact, I now have lavender nails (and I quite like them.)

To top off the entire outfit, I used a vanilla body mist, which Lindsey from Franklin, Tennessee described as "perfect for every day" because "they're not as expensive as perfume, but you can still get the same great scent, so you can use more of it!" (Italics Seventeen's, not mine.) From what I am gathering, the idea of moderation is not a pervasive principle in the teenage beauty/hygiene repertoire.

I am not working tomorrow, so tomorrow will be my first real fashion day.